i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
