also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
