I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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