can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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