Farmville is her only friend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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