We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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