I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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