If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Houston, we have a squirter
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
