Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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