sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
