You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
