Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
