If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
