Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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