Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think a kid would responsible me up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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