really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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