After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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