You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
