oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
