chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
