I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
