I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how can u be prego again
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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