i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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