I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
