I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize