We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
