My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
