I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
