My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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