Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
