Your tits are I can't wait for
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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