I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
