You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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