Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
