Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize