Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
