first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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