Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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