i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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