I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
