guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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