so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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