You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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