I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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