How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this boner is exhausting
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
