So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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