i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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