Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have post one night stand depression
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