If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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