I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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