one two three fourrrrnication!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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