he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
