did you get engaged???
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
