Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
