Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
