I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
