Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
