so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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