Betty ford says i'm here all night
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
