Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize