I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
