I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
