does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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