i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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